Why do we do stupid things that we know are stupid and can only lead to heartache and trouble?
Why do we get involved with people that aren't good for us?
Why do we call into work knowing full well it will get us into trouble and we desperately need the money?
Why do we say things that will undoubtebly get us into trouble?
Why do we let people do stupid things that we know will only hurt them in the end?
I'm frustrated. It seems I've done all these in the past 36 hours.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
life at a bookstore
I had this vision of what life working at a bookstore would be like. Oh, its nothing like what I had imagined. There no coffee drinking except on a break which are strictly 15 minutes. There are no discussions with customers on what type of book they enjoy. No discussion of books read. Part of that has to do with it being so insanely busy that there just isn't time to have those conversations.
I work for a fairly large nation wide book store. So more than anything its a cooperation that just wants to make money. Yeah, it seems a little better since we are selling books. We're selling classic literature to high schoolers who might be inspired and become the next J.D. Salinger or Hemingway or Tolstoy. Except, these high schoolers don't care. They want the shortest book, despite the fantastic selection of great books they've been give to chose from. They want to know if there are sparknotes(similiar to cliffnotes) on Lois Lowry.
It doesn't help that our management staff is....well just that, a management staff. They don't necessarily love books or reading or writing. A portion of them do and really care about the book aspect of the store. The others unfortunetly are the ones who have risen to the top and are now in charge and make our days a living hell. Whether its the passive aggressive manager who is so afraid of confrontation most of the time he won't step out of the office. He's also one of those people who won't ever look you in the eye. Another one of our fantastic managers is that type of person who will ask you a question about why you are 4 minutes late but then when you go to answer her, she doesn't want to hear it.
On top of that we have some floor leads who think they are more than a highly over worked, slightly paid more bookseller. One floor lead who we'll call Bill. Bill is a frat boy, one hundred percent. A frat boy who takes his job as selling books as seriously as a doctor would take brain surgery. We sell books people. Books!! We aren't saving lives and apparently not imparting wisdom on younger generations. Another lead, we'll call this one Sally. Sally is one of those former drama people. Sally freaks out if there are a few books left over at the end of the day that haven't gotten reshelved. Sally comes into the store and is one of those people who will tell you every intimate detail of their life. Regardless if you are good friends or not friends at all.
I love the idea of working in a bookstore. A real bookstore. A small hole in the wall bookstore. Where people only go in there who love reading. Who love stories of far away places. Who don't mind reading books writting in old english. I am convinvced there are still those bookstores out there where you can have a cup of coffee and read while there are no customers. A bookstore where us college students can perhaps study while there is no work to be done. I am not a lazy person. I think I have a good work ethic. But as I grow older, I'm realizing what not to worry about and stress over. One of those things I refuse to stress out over is whether or not all the strays get done or not. If the store isn't in perfect shape at the end of the day..its ok.
I work for a fairly large nation wide book store. So more than anything its a cooperation that just wants to make money. Yeah, it seems a little better since we are selling books. We're selling classic literature to high schoolers who might be inspired and become the next J.D. Salinger or Hemingway or Tolstoy. Except, these high schoolers don't care. They want the shortest book, despite the fantastic selection of great books they've been give to chose from. They want to know if there are sparknotes(similiar to cliffnotes) on Lois Lowry.
It doesn't help that our management staff is....well just that, a management staff. They don't necessarily love books or reading or writing. A portion of them do and really care about the book aspect of the store. The others unfortunetly are the ones who have risen to the top and are now in charge and make our days a living hell. Whether its the passive aggressive manager who is so afraid of confrontation most of the time he won't step out of the office. He's also one of those people who won't ever look you in the eye. Another one of our fantastic managers is that type of person who will ask you a question about why you are 4 minutes late but then when you go to answer her, she doesn't want to hear it.
On top of that we have some floor leads who think they are more than a highly over worked, slightly paid more bookseller. One floor lead who we'll call Bill. Bill is a frat boy, one hundred percent. A frat boy who takes his job as selling books as seriously as a doctor would take brain surgery. We sell books people. Books!! We aren't saving lives and apparently not imparting wisdom on younger generations. Another lead, we'll call this one Sally. Sally is one of those former drama people. Sally freaks out if there are a few books left over at the end of the day that haven't gotten reshelved. Sally comes into the store and is one of those people who will tell you every intimate detail of their life. Regardless if you are good friends or not friends at all.
I love the idea of working in a bookstore. A real bookstore. A small hole in the wall bookstore. Where people only go in there who love reading. Who love stories of far away places. Who don't mind reading books writting in old english. I am convinvced there are still those bookstores out there where you can have a cup of coffee and read while there are no customers. A bookstore where us college students can perhaps study while there is no work to be done. I am not a lazy person. I think I have a good work ethic. But as I grow older, I'm realizing what not to worry about and stress over. One of those things I refuse to stress out over is whether or not all the strays get done or not. If the store isn't in perfect shape at the end of the day..its ok.
Taking the train to MIchigan
Its been awhile since I've written on this thing. So much has been going on. Recently(in fact just yesterday), I returned from a short visit home. That's Michigan for those that don't know. The reason for my trip home was to visit with my neice and nephew who were visiting their father, my brother. I hadn't seen them since last summer so it was a necceasary trip.
For the most part it was ok. Part of it really stunk however. I'm one of those people who gets an idea in their head of how things should go and when it doesn't go according to plan, I get uber frustrated. That was this past week. Several times I had "made" plans with individuals and they bailed which left me sitting alone at my brothers apartment. Sad, huh?
Seeing Gabe and Sadie is always a highlight for me. They are some pretty terrific kids. I love all my nephews and neice. I have three other nephews that belong to my oldest sister. Everyone of them is smart, funny, adorable and pretty cool little people. Gabe and Sadie hold a special place with me however. I've known them since minutes after their births, babysat them countless times, and watched them grow up on a daily basis. So, not seeing them for a year is a hard thing to swallow at times. They really and truly are little adults. I miss the little goobers when I don't see them. Both really truly are great kids and I can't wait for someday when we get to be really good friends.
Another individual I was looking forward to seeing was an ex. Yeah, I know...usually not a good idea. Well, this guy(who will remain nameless for the moment) is a great friend despite it not working out between us. He was the one who really helped me through a hard time in my life. Dealt with alot of my crap. Wasn't afraid to tell me I was being stupid but at the same time let me cry for some ridiculous reason. Unfortunetly, I didn't get to see him. On the trip home, that was the only part of the trip that saddened me. Its been a year since I've spent anytime with him and I miss just being around him. Talking to him, driving around, watching tv, and sitting at the airport for hours. These are the things I miss.
So, I'm not sure if it was a blessing in disguise to not see him(since it might have hurt worse to have a few moments and then none at all) or that it just majorly sucks not to see him for a few minutes. Just a glimpse. That's always a major dilemma for me. A deep question that I'm not sure has an answer. If I could see this person or see my dad(who passed away 3 1/2 years ago), would I chose 5 minutes or none at all? Yeah, it would be amazing to see either one, but would that initial hurt come back in full force. 5 minutes wouldn't be enough time to talk to either one of them and tell them all the things I've wanted to tell them. I would just want to ask for another 5 minutes and another and another. I would never be satisfied. That's what its like to love...I guess.
Anyway, the trip home wasn't a waste. It wasn't fantastic but it didn't completly suck. I'm glad to be back in New Orleans. Which I can now tell when people aren't from town just by how they said new orleans.
I am moving this weekend in with a friend whom I work with. I'm am super excited. not in the jump up and down excited way. Just happy and thrilled...keep talking about it. I love my mother(whom I live with at the moment) but I need to move to perserve both of our sanities. I'm working on reducing the amount of stress in my life and this is step one. Next step..work situation. 3rd step..get back to school.
Its amazing how a trip can make you see things from a different perspective.
For the most part it was ok. Part of it really stunk however. I'm one of those people who gets an idea in their head of how things should go and when it doesn't go according to plan, I get uber frustrated. That was this past week. Several times I had "made" plans with individuals and they bailed which left me sitting alone at my brothers apartment. Sad, huh?
Seeing Gabe and Sadie is always a highlight for me. They are some pretty terrific kids. I love all my nephews and neice. I have three other nephews that belong to my oldest sister. Everyone of them is smart, funny, adorable and pretty cool little people. Gabe and Sadie hold a special place with me however. I've known them since minutes after their births, babysat them countless times, and watched them grow up on a daily basis. So, not seeing them for a year is a hard thing to swallow at times. They really and truly are little adults. I miss the little goobers when I don't see them. Both really truly are great kids and I can't wait for someday when we get to be really good friends.
Another individual I was looking forward to seeing was an ex. Yeah, I know...usually not a good idea. Well, this guy(who will remain nameless for the moment) is a great friend despite it not working out between us. He was the one who really helped me through a hard time in my life. Dealt with alot of my crap. Wasn't afraid to tell me I was being stupid but at the same time let me cry for some ridiculous reason. Unfortunetly, I didn't get to see him. On the trip home, that was the only part of the trip that saddened me. Its been a year since I've spent anytime with him and I miss just being around him. Talking to him, driving around, watching tv, and sitting at the airport for hours. These are the things I miss.
So, I'm not sure if it was a blessing in disguise to not see him(since it might have hurt worse to have a few moments and then none at all) or that it just majorly sucks not to see him for a few minutes. Just a glimpse. That's always a major dilemma for me. A deep question that I'm not sure has an answer. If I could see this person or see my dad(who passed away 3 1/2 years ago), would I chose 5 minutes or none at all? Yeah, it would be amazing to see either one, but would that initial hurt come back in full force. 5 minutes wouldn't be enough time to talk to either one of them and tell them all the things I've wanted to tell them. I would just want to ask for another 5 minutes and another and another. I would never be satisfied. That's what its like to love...I guess.
Anyway, the trip home wasn't a waste. It wasn't fantastic but it didn't completly suck. I'm glad to be back in New Orleans. Which I can now tell when people aren't from town just by how they said new orleans.
I am moving this weekend in with a friend whom I work with. I'm am super excited. not in the jump up and down excited way. Just happy and thrilled...keep talking about it. I love my mother(whom I live with at the moment) but I need to move to perserve both of our sanities. I'm working on reducing the amount of stress in my life and this is step one. Next step..work situation. 3rd step..get back to school.
Its amazing how a trip can make you see things from a different perspective.
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